Seeing Your Relationship Through Gray-Colored Glasses

And How to Get a New Prescription

By: Samantha Eng, Copy Cutie

We’ve mastered the daily ritual of getting ready — pants, socks, shoes; cell phone, keys, wallet. In everyday life, these routines are comforting and help us get through the chaos. But if each morning you had to put on sunglasses, would you choose the rose-colored ones … or the pair with a gray tint? 

Each morning the phone rings. It’s the guy who interrupts your daily AM routine and says, “Good morning! I hope you have a wonderful day!” before you even take the first sip of your coffee.

Choosing to get mad and telling him he offset your day by three minutes weighs your mind down. It continues later that evening while dining at your favorite French bistro over an hour-long vent about the rough workday you had. Your time is valuable, and the question, “When can I see you again?” irritates you to no end — didn’t you just say your brief was due by the end of the week?

Annoyed and relieved to be home, you check your voicemail and see that the other guy you’ve been seeing hasn’t called. He actually hasn’t returned your call in about a week, but just in case he missed your voicemail … text … and “accidental” email … let’s call him again.

While the latter situation is easily identified as “seeing things through rose-colored glasses” (a common misperception by one who doesn’t see obvious faults), we overlook the pair that has us misinterpret caring acts as petty annoyances — therefore seeing things through gray-colored shades.

Acknowledge your lens shade.

Step back and assess the situation. Is it really so bad that your guy’s first thought was to wish you a good morning? Most view this gesture as a sign of endearment. Same goes for asking to see you again. Sending positive vibes and eagerness to spend time with you definitely doesn’t sound like such a bad thing on paper!

Share the prognosis with a friend.

Chat over beers or giggle over margaritas. Our friends are not only our soundboards, but the face of truth when we’re seething with anger, deluded by alcohol, or in this case, blinded by the wrong set of shades. And if you’re seeing differently than everyone else is, your friends are sure to let you know.

Diagnose the situation.

If your friends fill you in on your faulty view, you can bet you have a case of seeing things through gray-colored glasses. In laymen’s terms, you’re not seeing eye-to-eye with your partner. Even more simply: one person cares more and the person with lesser feelings (you) feels caged.

Prescribe a new lens.

To find your perfect 10, you need 20/20 vision. Accept that you’re not seeing eye-to-eye and either attempt to salvage your relationship or come to terms with your feelings and end things. While you don’t want to be annoyed, there’s a good chance they don’t want to be an annoyance. And mutual respect is just what the doctor ordered.

Have you ever seen things through gray-colored glasses? Share your stories below!

Fail to Fab: The Overcompensating Starving Artist

By: Jess Downey, Copy Cutie

Fail: A few months ago, I went on a(nother) date with an artsy guy. As we strolled through the park he told me he was an unemployed video editor who was trying to start his own thing, and I admired his courage to go after what he wanted. Near the end of the date, we ended up at a little café for a glass of wine. One glass turned into two bottles, which turned into appetizers, a meal and even dessert. Since he was a gentleman, he picked up the tab. We went out a few more times and each date was the same — bottles of wine, elaborate food, plus dessert. One day he revealed he had no idea how he was going to pay rent. It was a little awkward and it made me question all the elaborate dates. And his sanity.

We’ve already discussed the starving artist who never pays for a thing, but there is also the starving artist who overcompensates for what he doesn’t have.

Fab: It’s great when you want to impress a woman. In fact, it’s perfectly normal — and very much appreciated. But keep in mind that impressing doesn’t necessarily equal spending lots of money on over-the-top dates. And if it’s a choice between your rent and a date, you should probably put dating on hold until your finances are more stable.

While the guy should always at least offer pay for the first date, be sure you plan something within your means. Take some of the tips we gave the other starving artist to come up with a fun and romantic night out without breaking the bank.

If you sense your date is overly eager to impress you, put his mind at ease by suggesting ideas that are easy on his pocket. Save the splurging for special occasions or when things get more serious. If it’s the third date or beyond, ladies should offer to pick up part of the tab or pay for alcohol to show you care.  

But if you’re dating a gal who always wants a night out on the town, she probably isn’t the woman for you.

Remember: It’s OK to splurge once in a while if you can manage it. But ice cream on a park bench with a guy who you know can afford it is far sexier than a five-course meal with a dude in debt.

Get Ready for Chemistry's Free Communication Weekend, 2/10 to 2/12

If you're on a tight budget but want to try your hand at online dating, listen up! Chemistry is having a free communication weekend, starting tomorrow, Friday, Feb. 10 until Sunday, Feb. 12. "Free" sounds exciting, but singles always complain that they can't get enough accomplished during these three days. To solve your dating woes, here's a guide to help optimize your free trial:

1. Act quickly. Sign up as soon as the offer starts. Take the personality tests, complete your profile and upload your photo right away. You only get a select number of matches each day, so the sooner you complete your account, the sooner you can start eFlirting. Reviewing your matches each day will assure you get the maximum amount of connections during your complimentary trial.

2. Don't skimp. Fill out your profile completely — including photos — and put some thought into it. If you skimp on information, your matches won't be as responsive and your time won't be as productive.

3. Say yes to maybes. Go through your matches and start communicating. If you think someone's a "maybe," go for it. You never know who might surprise you! Maximizing the time you have and broaden your horizons.

4. Be available. A lot of new members will be taking advantage of this free weekend, so expect quicker response times. Choose the fast track so you can create the strongest bond possible before the trial ends. 

5. Download the app. If you're going to be out and about, download the app so you can stay connected and get offline with your matches sooner.

6. Give contact info. If your trial is coming to a close and you don't think the site is for you, give your contact info to all of your matches so you don't lose touch. Set up a separate Gmail account so your full name remains secure.   

7. Don't feel pressured. If you're not intrigued by a particular match, don't think that you have to go out with him or her. Just because you went through several steps of communication doesn't mean you should feel pressured. Trust your instincts. 

8. Meet sooner. You don't have to exchange a million emails before you meet. Just be sure to meet in a public place and plan something non-committal, like coffee or a drink.

9. Join! If you liked the experience, join the site. You can continue to communicate uninterrupted and will get a steady stream of new matches. 

10. Don't get discouraged. If your weekend wasn't as successful as you had hoped, that doesn't mean that online dating isn't for you. Nine times out of 10, it just means that you were on the wrong site! A dating site is only as good as your matches on it. Most major paid sites offer trials, and if you follow this blog you'll be in the know. In fact, Match.com offers three free days anytime!

Happy eFlirting! Here's to celebrating the love month with a positive online dating experience and hopefully snagging a fun date for Valentine's Day. 

Cheat Sheet: How to Write an Online Dating Profile

By: Laurie Davis, Founder

One of the things that Certified eFlirters do best is write your profile. There’s something to be said for a totally objective opinion, one that picks up on the qualities about you that even your friends wouldn’t mention in because they know you too well. 

But before you start typing your backstory, don’t click on other people’s profiles. The last thing you want to do is sound just like everyone else. Instead, think about your perfect match — the one who has it all. If you met in real life, what would you spend the most time chatting about? What would he or she be most interested in about you and what would you want to have in common? Start your profile there. 

Keep in mind that the first and last sentences of your profile are the most important. The first sentence needs to grab your matches’ attention and keep them wanting more. Make sure it isn’t mundane or cliché and speaks to who you are. The last sentence is the final thought your match would have. After they’ve read it, they’ll either want to message you or click the next button. Making sure you leave them with a strong statement is key. 

However, a lot happens in between your first and last lines. Below are some common pitfalls to avoid so you can make your profile sparkle on screen:

Adjective overload. One of the most common mistakes online daters make is using too many adjectives. They are "witty, intelligent, down to earth and unique"... and their mom says they’re special, too. Listing a bunch of adjectives that describe you isn’t actually descriptive.

Show, don’t tell. Revealing a personality trait through narrative will always resonate better than simply listing it. Rather than stating you are intelligent, show your knowledge through your interests and the books you read. If being funny is your thing, use a sarcastic tone or tell a joke. If you’re adventurous, mention the trips you take or places you explore. 

Get specific. Mentioning precise interests like a favorite restaurant or vacation spot will go a long way. These details will give your match a better idea of what you like and if they find something in common with you, and it’s easy to mention specifics via message.

Be confident. Confidence is key both in-person and online, so make sure your statements exude this quality. Never justify why you’re dating online or say things like “My friends think I’m…”  When viewed on digital paper, it’ll appear as though you’re not comfortable with yourself — or online dating in general.

Don’t repeat information. Repetition gets boring. If your match is bored, they’ll just move on to the next person without contact. A great profile will continue to reveal new information in each section, not only to keep your match engaged, but also to truly give others an idea of what you’re about. 

Keep them wanting more. Length is a crucial element to a good profile. Too long and your matches will leave without so much as a wink. Too short, and you won’t catch your matches’ eye — and they won’t know enough about you to send a message. Ideally, the main part of your profile (often known as the “all about you” section) should be two or three short paragraphs. 

Be careful with wit. Humor doesn’t always read well digitally, especially if you’re a rookie to the online dating world. If you’re going to be witty, you’ll need to use that tone throughout the profile, not just in a single sentence here and there. When in doubt, read your line alone on its own. Does it sound strange or creepy? If yes, remove. Immediately.

Talk about your match. To attract the perfect match, you need to tell people what you’re looking for. Don’t make this a list of ultimatums (too specific and you’ll turn away potentials), but do write a couple of sentences on the topic. It’ll show that you’re serious about meeting someone and not playing games.

No negativity. Maybe you’ve had some bad dating experiences. Maybe you’re feeling down on yourself. Whatever the case may be, those feelings need to stay far, far away from your dating profile. Being negative in your first impression with a match is like sulking in the corner at a party; it won’t attract anyone.

Laurie Gives Dating Tips to Nick Jonas on Good Day New York

By Krissy Dolor, Jill of All Trades

In case you slept in this morning, check out Laurie’s latest appearance on Fox 5’s Good Day New York, where she gave today’s guest co-host, Nick Jonas (of Jonas Brothers fame and the current star of Broadway’s ‘How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying’), some dating tips for around the city, just in time for Valentine’s Day. Even if you’ve only gone one a few dates with your match, there are ways to keep the holiday light and fun. Top spots include hot chocolate at The City Bakery, live music and bowling at Brooklyn Bowl and sharing disco fries (with chicken gravy!) at Malibu Diner. Maybe Nick will take current squeeze Delta Goodrem to one of them!

And don’t forget to check out the full list of top date spots from HowAboutWe.com.

Valentine's Date Ideas: MyFoxNY.com