Flickr / Tom LothTo sign your name or stay anonymous, that is the question.  When you’re emailing a new match, what is the netiquette?  A recent trend - particularly on more casual dating sites - is to leave your name blank, eliminating the natural end to the virtual conversation.  Maybe you’re trying to induce intrigue, don’t want to get too personal too soon or think that dropping your name will blow your privacy cover.  Either way, let’s evaluate for a minute.

You’re not telling them who you are.  To some extent, that means that your virtual wall is still up.  You’re not trusting them with this information which can send the message that you’re not trustworthy. You don’t want to start your online (and potentially offline) relationship that way, right?

If it’s mystery you’re going for, it’s better to put the intrigue into your profile than your first message.  Your profile is what everyone gets to see – your message is something that should be specific to the match and make them feel connected to you.  Signing your name at the end of the email furthers the connection you’re trying to build.

And remember, you’re not telling them your last name.  Just your first.  You’re making the screen name and avatar a reality – an integral part of transitioning online dating into an offline experience.

If your profile is your first impression to a match, your photos are the ”Hey, how you doin."  Don’t fool yourself, pictures are what everyone looks at first when they click on you.  This means that representing yourself accurately and with your best … er … face forward are uber-important.  Take a peek through your Facebook, Snapfish and Picasa albums to choose your best shots, but be sure to avoid our top ten photo faux pas at all cost. Below we decode the messages you are sending.

Drunken Shenanigans

Why Not?!  Wasted and ridiculous will never be your best look. 
What You’re Saying. You’re a huge partier.

The Infamous Mirror Shot

Why Not?!  Whether your shirt is on or off, taking a self-portrait in the mirror is like the poor man’s photographer.
What You’re Saying. You don’t have friends who will take your picture.

The Undercover Look

Why Not?!  When you’re dressed up like a Private I - wearing a hat or sunglasses - your match still doesn’t know what you look like.
What You’re Saying.  You think you’re cuter with accessories and are covering up your true self.

Bros and Hoes

Why Not?!  When friends are in photos, the focus is shifted away from you.
What You’re Saying: I’m popular, I’m cool … and I challenge you to pick me out of this crowd. So there!

Far, Far Away

Why Not?!  If you are 100 miles away in the photo, your match can’t see you clearly.  They likely won’t stick around your profile too long.
What You’re Saying. You have something to hide that would be noticed in a close up.

The Opposite Sex

Why Not?!  Even if it’s your sister, your matches don’t know that.  And they likely won’t read that note you wrote under the photo either.
What You’re Saying.  I might be a player, but you’ll never really know.

Shotty Chop Job

Why Not?!  Cropping is good, but the trick is to do it in a way that looks like the photo wasn’t altered.
What You’re Saying. This photo of me looking deliriously happy was taken with an ex.

Kiddies

Why Not?!  If you have kids, list them in the stats section of your profile but keep the focus on YOU.  If the little one is not yours, they will assume he/she is anyway.
What You’re Saying. The privacy of my family’s life isn’t important to me.

Artsy Angles

Why Not?!   Deception is bad.  When you post a photo of you that is an odd angle and doesn’t look like you, your perfect match won’t come knocking because he/she won’t be able to recognize you!
What You’re Saying.  I’m not comfortable with the way I look straight to camera.

The Scenic Route

Why Not?!  Photos without you in them – sunsets, cars, travel spots – are not relevant to your dating life. 
What You’re Saying.  I think you should care about these things because I do.

So, what should you put in your profile?  At least one head and shoulders shot, one full-length picture and lots of smiles.  If you need some new photos after reading, there’s a blog for that, too.

Time and time again I have heard singles say that “Online dating is a numbers game.”  But hold on.  Is that really the analogy you should use for your love life?  There are certainly subtle numbers involved – hours spent online, dating sites you have profiles on, multiples of emails, numbers of dates – but if you’re counting, you’re missing out on what happens between #10 and #11. When you keep score, the numbers actually get in your way.  

 Keeping a virtual tally will only result in discouragement and frustration. How many times have you thought:

 “If I have to go on one more date, I swear…”    OR

“How is it possible that no one has responded to my emails?”

With frustration mounting, inevitably caught up in the numbers, you may have missed out on an experience right in front of you.  Maybe you got so frustrated with the lack of responses to emails you’ve been sending, that you started writing lackluster notes to matches who would have otherwise replied.  Or perhaps the guy who has been flirting with you all night long inadvertently got your cold shoulder because you can’t shake your disappointment with the opposite sex lately.

To stay positive and keep online dating fun, ignore the numbers.  Don’t count on your fingers. Avoid eye contact with that little number next to your inbox and sent mail.  Make sure that you go into each experience with a renewed cyber perspective.  When you feel like the numbers are catching up with you, mix up your virtual life.  Try a new dating site, add a new photo and change how you’re filtering your matches.  You’ll see fresh faces and get recognized by a different crowd.

The number of matches, dates and emails doesn’t matter.  You can go out with 5 people, 50 people or 500 ... but at the end of the day, it only takes ONE.