Honest Abe

By Laurie Davis, Founder

I get asked 'game' etiquette questions all the time. "How many days should I wait before I call her?" "My match only wrote a few sentences but I have a lot to say in the reply. Should I hold off?" "I'm not really into him, but he keeps emailing me so I'm playing along for now. He'll get the hint eventually, right?" The answer is always ... Don't Play Games! I know you think everyone does, but the world would be a better place without them. I'm starting a revolution to abolish dating games in SingleVille. Actually Spin-the-Bottle should still be legal. But you know what I mean!

Here's what ends up happening: Guys meets gal. They both like each other and exchange numbers. Guy decides to wait a million days to call gal. Gal stresses and then writes off Guy. Guy finally calls and Gal is shocked. They set up a date. Gal gives Guy closed-off signals via body language without meaning to. Gal is hesitant because he played games. Guy and Gal end up not compatible because Guy played games instead of just calling soon after they met.

The problem with games is that there is no universal board game or rule book to follow, so you're constantly on different pages. Everyone's strategy is different. You're continually guesstimating your match's instincts incorrectly. It's too early in the relationship for you to anticipate your match's reaction and you may even end up offending them without intention. Basically, my eFlirt expert advice is to be honest with yourself and your match. If you're not into him, tell him. If you want to call, call. Being open and up-front will set the precedence and hopefully your match won't play games either. It will set you apart from all those game playing people they've dated.

In a bold effort to be honest, I once said to a match, "Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I met someone who I like and I want to see where things go with him. I have a great time with you, but you've made it clear from the beginning that you're not looking for anything serious. I'm not sure if things with this other guy will turn in to anything, but I really want to see where it goes and not date other people for a while." He was flabbergasted. No one had ever been so honest with him, and believe it or not, he admitted that this made me MORE attractive to him. He even said that if things didn't work out, I should let him know because he would love to continue to see where things went with us. Being honest immediately gave me respect in his eyes. Now who wouldn't want respect?