It's All About The Follow Up

You'll frequently hear me say that online dating is all about the follow up. What does that mean? In the world of cyberlove, there are lots of factors that can keep your match from inadvertently emailing you back:

  • Busy at the Moment.  You never know what is going on in other people’s lives. It’s a common misconception that if someone logs on, reads your email, clicks through to your profile — and doesn’t respond — it means they are not interested in you. It may simply mean that they didn’t have time to write you back right then, but will get to it.
  • Busy with their Dating Calendar.  Just because your match still has an active profile, doesn’t mean they are actively dating. They might be checking their email, but their dance card might be full. When a dating calendar gets full, matches will sometimes wait a while to respond until things cool off and they are ready to meet someone new.
  • They Don’t Pay.  Paid dating sites can often be deceiving about their members. Just because they showed up as a match and are active, doesn’t mean that they pay for a subscription and can see your messages.
  • You Got Lost.  If their inbox is a virtual hot spot, your message might have been buried or deleted before it was read.
  • Your Profile Wasn’t Good Enough.  If your photos were unclear or your text wasn’t specific, you might not have made the cut.

None of this means that all hope is lost, though! Remember — online dating is all about the follow up. So what should your next steps be?

If it has been more than one and a half weeks since you emailed and they have logged on within the last few days, it’s ok to send a follow up email. The goal is to keep it short and sweet — no negativity and guilt trips. Let him or her know that you were still hoping to connect. Be prepared for it to not always go your way. Your match might respond with a, "Best of luck," ... or they might not respond at all. If they do read it and don’t respond within a few days, you can at least have closure and know that it wasn’t simply miscommunication.

If it’s been a while since you got a virtual update, you might want to upload some new photos and revise your profile. Seeing a new digital impression will often illicit responses from matches who have previously passed you over. (If you need help, try an eMakeover.)

If you were in the middle of a great email string and your match suddenly vanished, check to see if they have been online recently. If they were and it has been more than five days, respond to the email string to see how things are going with them. It's likely that their lack of response was an accident.

Above all, don’t take it personally! I know it can be challenging, but you’re only a digital impression right now. You never know what circumstances your match is under. Jumping to conclusions will only make the online dating process more challenging. Keep your chin up, daters, and on to the next!