Don't Play by the Numbers
4 Comments
Time and time again I have heard singles say that “Online dating is a numbers game.” But hold on. Is that really the analogy you should use for your love life? There are certainly subtle numbers involved – hours spent online, dating sites you have profiles on, multiples of emails, numbers of dates – but if you’re counting, you’re missing out on what happens between #10 and #11. When you keep score, the numbers actually get in your way.
Keeping a virtual tally will only result in discouragement and frustration. How many times have you thought:
“If I have to go on one more date, I swear…” OR
“How is it possible that no one has responded to my emails?”
With frustration mounting, inevitably caught up in the numbers, you may have missed out on an experience right in front of you. Maybe you got so frustrated with the lack of responses to emails you’ve been sending, that you started writing lackluster notes to matches who would have otherwise replied. Or perhaps the guy who has been flirting with you all night long inadvertently got your cold shoulder because you can’t shake your disappointment with the opposite sex lately.
To stay positive and keep online dating fun, ignore the numbers. Don’t count on your fingers. Avoid eye contact with that little number next to your inbox and sent mail. Make sure that you go into each experience with a renewed cyber perspective. When you feel like the numbers are catching up with you, mix up your virtual life. Try a new dating site, add a new photo and change how you’re filtering your matches. You’ll see fresh faces and get recognized by a different crowd.
The number of matches, dates and emails doesn’t matter. You can go out with 5 people, 50 people or 500 ... but at the end of the day, it only takes ONE.
Reader Comments (4)
Great advice! And true for dating - or finding 'the one' - in general, I think, whether it's online or offline.
So true! The marathon of online dating can be exhausting, and it's easy to miss something spectacular with dating fatigue. Putting in the effort really matters!
Back when I did the online thing, I kind of had to play by the numbers. I'd get about a 7-10% response rate, which made it necessary to email at least 100 women per membership cycle to get a respectable return. Maybe it's different for the women who can wait for guys to email them, but most men don't have that luxury. (Found your site through eruptin.com. Good luck! You're providing a much needed service).
Rachel and CityGirls - I'm glad you agree!
Marc - For men it's a bit more of a numbers game in the fact that you have to be persistent about emails. You really shouldn't keep score though - that's what this blog is all about. Just keep doin' your thing and focus on the positive!