First Date Dont's
3 CommentsBy: Jess Downey, Copy Cutie
I’ve been on enough bad dates to know that the little details can make or break the night. This doesn’t mean that you have to spend a fortune or fly them to Paris, it just means you have to pay attention and aim to please. But let me lead by example. Here are five of my own real-life disasters so you know what never to do!
Fail: I once had a date who picked me up at my place and told me he made reservations at a sushi place. This was after we had a whole conversation a few days earlier about how I really didn’t like sushi. Killing the guy’s plans for the evening was a total buzz kill, and we never went out again.
Fab: Obviously if the guy had paid attention at all during our conversation, he would have known this was a bad idea. A simple second glance at my profile, and he would have seen a list of my favorite kinds of food. A few seconds on Yelp and he would’ve seen several listings of great choices in my area. And voila! Our date would’ve gotten off on the right foot.
Fail: A couple of years ago, I went out with a guy who kept talking about how hot the waitress was on our date. I feel like it’s pretty common knowledge that this is a huge no-no but for some reason this guy never received that memo. Huge fail.
Fab: Guys, even if you’re just dating casually, women expect you to be monogamous at least until the end of your date. That means all eyes on us! Every time he made a comment about the waitress, I got less flirty and more closed off, so pay attention to body language – aka: the flirt factor. The more smiling and touching going on, the better the date!
Fail: Then, there was also the guy who talked about marriage and babies the whole time even, though it was obvious that it made me feel uncomfortable.
Fab: Being open, honest and vulnerable are good things, but leave sensitive subjects like past relationships, religion and babies until the third date at the earliest! The first date should be all about getting to know each other, not each other’s past. Again, pay attention to body language. If your match starts to close off and is showing signs of being uncomfortable (arms crossed, shifting weight from side to side, looking around) quickly change the subject.
Fail: Once, I had a guy who met me on the corner (literally) and then we wandered around my neighborhood for like an hour to pick a restaurant because he couldn't decide on one that he liked. Oof!
Fab: Plan. Ahead. Being indecisive is not attractive and makes you seem less confident. Confidence is sexy, so if you have a plan ahead of time, women will appreciate the extra time and thought you took to plan the date.
Fail: I went to the movies with a guy, and when we got to the ticket window he asked me how I wanted to handle the paying situation. I told him I was open for anything and he said, I could F’ing pay for myself then. I should add that we were on a double date with my sister and her boyfriend. Not cute.
Fab: Guys – if you want to get to a second date, pay for the first one. It’s just the way it is. When you get to the third date and beyond, going Dutch is acceptable, but you should always wait for her to offer to pay for her share. If you want her to pay for herself, there are some subtle hints you can use to get her to take the hint, but this should never, ever be done in front of her friends and family.
Reader Comments (3)
Love the way you wrote this up! I actually had a date with a guy who flirted with the MALE waiter during the entire date. At first I thought he was being friendly, then I realized something was going on between them. The waiter seemed to be right along with my date and I felt like I was invisible! Needless to say, that was our first and last date!
I actually just wrote a blog about first date red flags that goes along with some of what you mentioned! Definitely have a look when you have time! http://www.kissandim.com/category/first-date-red-flags/
Thanks, Kiss and IM! Wow! I am not sure if I would even know how to react to that. I have had far too many guys flirt with the waitress, but the waiter! Yikes!
I'll definitely have to take a look at your blog. Sounds like we have similar minds!
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