Fail to Fab: He Just Wanted Sex

By: Jess Downey, Copy Cutie

As I was listening to Laurie speak at Single in Stilettos, questions revealing the negative perceptions women have of online dating was an ongoing topic. As someone who’s been searching for love on the interwebs for more than a decade, I can definitely relate to the bad, but also, see the good. Here's a special series of Fail to Fabs that are all about tackling the bad apples of dating digitally.

Fail: A few weeks ago, I was chatting with a guy on a dating site. We planned to meet but he got stuck in a meeting. Later that night he sent me a message saying he was free, then asked if I was still “DTF.” (If you’re not familiar with the lingo, it’s short for “down to fill-in-the-blank”) I was a little thrown since I assumed we were meeting for a casual drink or two … not casual sex. After a second read-through of his entire profile it was obvious that he wasn’t looking for anything serious. #Whoops.

Fab: While you want to be careful of judging people online too quickly, keep in mind that people will generally tell you who they really are if you just pay attention. Think of it this way — you wouldn’t go on a date and ignore everything the person was saying, so try not to do it when you’re sending messages online, either.

It’s so easy to look through a match’s pictures, take a quick look through his or her profile and think you’re good to go. But doing so can leave you totally in the dark. Always pay attention to the nitty gritty of their profile and give special attention to sections that talk about what this person is looking for.

The point of sending messages before you lock down a meeting is to get a read on who someone is. While it’s true that you have to meet in person to truly see if there’s a connection, there are clues to tell you what a match is all about. In my case, the guy was overly flirtatious and pushy about meeting close to his place, things that speak more spring fling than china patterns and white picket fences.

If something casual isn’t your cup of tea, don’t be afraid to decline any further interaction. Just chalk it up to what it is — two people looking for two different things.

Remember: One person does not everyone make so don’t let one bad apple online leave a bitter taste in your mouth for all those yet to come. After all — the more you search, the better chance you have of finding something sweet.