On Why Gay Men Shouldn’t Take Women’s Dating Advice

credit: Laughlin Elkind (Flickr)

credit: Laughlin Elkind (Flickr)

By Mark Davidovich, Truth Teller/Suave Scribe

Every gay man has one. A girl bestie. A sister in crime who serves as a best friend, companion and sometimes, even common law wife. We tend to have much in common with our lady loves, including our mutual adoration of the male species. And together, we share our hopes, dreams and most intimate thoughts and life details.

While we see eye-to-eye on many issues (including the desire to see our BFFs find love with Mr. Right), the gay man’s quest to “happily ever after” is uniquely different from established heterosexual formulas.  Indeed, John Gray was right when he said that men are from Mars and women come from Venus. We think and act differently, and prioritize our desires and needs accordingly, especially when it comes to dating, relationships, and sex. 

So attention, gay men: while your best girlfriend will always have your romantic interests at heart, she doesn’t possess the know-how for getting a great a gay guy for you, skills which only come from personally navigating the complex and competitive world of gay dating. Save yourself the heartache — and the drama — and ask your fellow gay men for dating tips instead.

Gay and Straight Are (Somewhat) Equal.
There isn’t much of a difference between gay and straight men when it comes to our basic carnal needs. As men, we tend to use the physical as a portal to our emotions. Straight men play in a world where the rules of engagement are set and implemented by women. Man takes woman out on a date, and so begins a carefully coordinated ritual of chess moves before a checkmate isachieved.Every step is coordinated, from the first date to the marriage proposal, with clear-cut set of rules defining what is (and isn’t) acceptable behavior.

Even So, the Rules Are Different.
Most women don’t realize that gay men don’t play by the same rules.  Quite the opposite, we live and operate in a jungle where carnal desire sets the precedent, and relationships take on different shapes and forms. And we sometimes meet our partners in somewhat nonconventional ways like at sex parties — yes, you’re reading this correctly. In fact, I know a lovely set of gents who have been happily coupled for more than a year; they met at a polyamorous affair and fell for one another (though they continually enjoy the company of a third every once in a while).

“Free Love” is More Prevalent.
Yes, we open up our relationships, have sex on the first date (we won’t even rent the car before we take it out for a test drive) and enjoy free love. And because of this openness, gay relationships are complex; we don’t necessarily believe in finding “The One” and when we do, we come to mature understandings about it because we realize monogamy isn’t always realistic — or ideal. That doesn’t mean that we don’t love our partners; it means we love them enough to let them be themselves. We navigate a unique set of issues ranging from marriage equality to surrogacy and adoption (for those of us who want to be parents), to HIV and healthcare benefits (or lack thereof) to government-sanctioned discrimination.

And Because Women Are Simply Not Men.
We love our girlfriends, but they often don’t understand our position, simply because they aren’t men, let alone gay men. I’ve shocked many females over the years with my dating stories and at times have felt judged. While I love my girlfriends, their advice, which always comes with the best of intentions, is usually ripped straight from the heterosexual code of dating, a code that rarely works for me.

So fellas, love your ladies always because each one is gift. Just don’t always hit her up for dating advice; you’re not going out with a straight man (well, maybe you are, but that’s a whole other post). And if you do take their advice, run it by your gay friends too, because they’ve been there and understand that “happily ever after” is a picture that can be painted many different ways.

Guys, what are some of the best (and worst!) bits of dating advice you’ve received? Share in the comments section below!