10 Things I Learned About Relationships While Driving a Taxi

By Kevin Murray, Suave Scribe

credit: courtesy Kevin MurrayBefore I worked for eFlirt Expert, I spent my summers doing something completely different: I drove a taxi for vacationers on the island of Martha’s Vineyard. When you drive a taxi you interact with every possible type of personality out there, ranging from 12 drunk guys on a bachelor party to driving Caroline Kennedy to the airport – the possibilities are endless. The coolest thing about it is how open people are and the amount of personal info they’ll discuss. Little did most of these people know, their cab driver had a master’s degree in communications with a concentration on romantic relationships –  driving a cab is heaven to someone who likes to analyze people. Here are some observations I’ve come away with while behind the taxi wheel for two summers:

1. Singles on their last night are more likely to have one-night stands.  (I’ve had my own personal research with this outside the cab, too.) Singles on their last night of vacation can be wild – it’s like they lose all their inhibitions and just want to make one final memory. If you meet someone you’re interested in at a bar and they tell you it’s their last night, you’re probably gonna get lucky.

2. Copious amounts of alcohol fuel plenty of nothing fights.  I’ve been witness to some serious nothing fights in my cab. You know, those fights that start just as “What’s wrong babe?” and turn into WWIII? Of course, most of these fights happened late night when couples are beep-faced – try a few glasses of water to sober up before leaving the bar!

3. Couples married for over 10 years have no problem telling you never to get married right in front of each other.  Usually when I’d tell married couples that I was single, they would both look at me right in the eyes via my rearview mirror and say, “Never get married.” Sometimes they would say it jokingly, other times not. Hey, at least they’re honest.

4. Getting a call to pick up a bachelorette party is the greatest excitement a single taxi driver can hear. Driving a taxi isn’t a dream job – but it can become a dream job when you get to pick up 15 girls headed out for a bachelorette party. Nothing more entertaining than a dozen-plus drunk women motivated to have a great time while speaking with no filter. The word “awesome” doesn’t even do it justice.

5. Weddings bring out many emotions in single women.  The Vineyard is a hotbed for weddings (the island averages 25-35 weddings on Saturdays and Sundays in September and early October) – so I had an abundance of wedding parties in my cab. You could sense happiness, excitement and anxiety. From the conversations I had, you could tell wedding days make them think about where they’re at in their lives. Needless to say, I heard a few five-year plans. 

6. Vacation for parents with little kids is stressful beyond belief.  You’ve never seen a more stressful face than on a mom or dad trying to contain three little kids for agetaway weekend. I’d often get out and help by holding babies and carriages when I could. Can’t tell you how many times they’d pay me while shaking their head saying, “You want to take them?” Love to, but I need room for my bachelorette parties.

7. Drunk chicks love touching your…radio.  Doesn’t matter if they’re single or with boyfriend – drunk women love playing with your radio. I’ve had women get up while I’m driving and sit in my passenger seat while simultaneously cranking the volume as high as it can go. Needless to say, the cuter they were, the more I let them get away with (don’t judge, when you drive a cab you can make your own rules).

8. Cougars away from husbands have really dirty minds.  Older married women on a girls’ weekend away can be bad – real bad. I never knew women talked this dirty until I drove a taxi. Just use your imagination.

9. Single or married men always ask where’s the best bar to see women.  Guys are pigs alone. Get a group of them buzzed on an island for the weekend and they turn into wild boars. We can’t help it, it’s in our nature to act like sex-starved animals – especially when we’re in large packs

10. A lot of couples I drove had success with online dating.  Passengers in my cab would often interview me. When I told them I studied online dating, I was happy to hear a lot of them met each other on an online dating website. It was clear online dating works – many of my passengers were proof!

Have any taxicab confessions you’d like to share? Add a comment below.