By Ashley Parsons, Lead Writer
Many women, myself absolutely included, love being pursued. What’s hotter than cross-room eye contact followed by a racing pulse as they approach you, or, if you’re taking the digital approach, seeing a dreamboat profile and receiving that initial message? However, the truth of the matter is that most people enjoy being chased – both gals AND guys – and being the marksman (or woman!) can be just as fun as being the target.
Almost everything worth having isn’t going to just fall into your lap, with love being the only potential exception. While it can be fun to play the coy girl next door, waiting on someone else to make the first move can end up biting you in the ass. It’s our turn to take the reins, ladies! Here are some reasons why you shouldn’t hesitate to make the first move:
If you were running for president, would you vote for your opponent? Well you’re essentially doing just that by idly waiting for dates: you’re leaving the window open for other women to step up and do what you wouldn’t. Now, don’t get me wrong, female solidarity is high priority, but when it comes down to romance, the same rules don’t apply. And asking a guy out doesn’t mean chivalry is dead! You’re simply taking the first step in a series that leads to being swept off your feet. According to Match.com’s Singles In America survey, 90% of guys are okay with a woman asking them out, so don’t hesitate to speak up if you’re interested.
Getting/Giving the Green Light
Rejection sucks. There’s no way around it, but we’ve all been there. It’s unfair for only one of the sexes to be burdened with the fear of getting turned down. This is where a working knowledge of getting or giving the “green light” comes in handy. A green light is some sort of acknowledgment that the interest is, in fact, mutual, and can GREATLY ease the tension of making the first move. This can be anything from eye contact (ideally paired with a cute smile) in person, or a “favorite” or “wink” when online dating. This can happen when online dating as well – don’t let message strings get too long. If there hasn’t been any talk of moving things offline after about 3 exchanges, make the nudge to get IRL. There’s no room for pen pals in the dating space!
How to Ask
So you’ve got your catch on the line with great conversation. How do you seal the deal? You might be surprised at how effective a straightforward approach can be. Translation: just go for it. Let them know you’re interested in learning more, and ask if you can meet up (somewhere quiet is best for getting cozy) to pick up where you left off. If you’re REALLY not the type to light the spark, you can subtly let your target know you’re into them, so they don’t hesitate to step right up. Something suggestive, like “I’d love to get a glass of wine with you sometime,” is perfect for placing the idea in their head and also gives them a clue for what you can do together – think of it as dating Inception. Though even if you never have before, you should really try taking the reins sometime. Trust us: if you think being pursued feels good, imagine the rush of winning the chase.
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