Start by downloading the mobile app for your dating site de jour.  While it may seem redundant to have your Okcupid, Match.com or eHarmony account on your phone – think again.  Just because you’re away from your computer, doesn’t mean that your match should have to wait days for you to return the message (likely loosing interest in the process).  Having the app on your phone allows you to respond to your matches in a timely manner while you’re on the go. 

Next, download a location-based dating app so you can flirt in real-time. Geo-location is hot, but it’s not just for your social life.  Applications like Urban Signals, Grindr and Skout will allow you to peruse the singles that are physically nearby, message them safely through the app and meet up if the digital feeling is right! 

Speaking of location-based apps, use Foursquare and Gowalla to create your Friday night flirt plan.  While you’re getting ready to head out for the night, put your pals phones together and see who has checked in where.  Which of your gal pal’s friends are cute?  What area can you hit up together where there are lots of cuties at the moment?

Using technology will allow you to painlessly plan dates.  Try Urban Daddy’s “The Next Move” app which will help you find the perfect spot based on where you are, time of day, who you’re with and what you want.   It’s particularly awesome to well, plan your next move.  If you don’t want the date to end but need a new location after dinner, head to the restroom, plug in your info and choose an Urban Daddy approved venue.  Also awesome is Siri Assistant which will find you what you’re looking for no matter how specific and make reservations.

Connecting and staying in touch is done on your phone too, right?  Make sure that you have the Facebook and Twitter apps downloaded, go ahead and text with your matches, but don’t forget to CALL.  Sometimes the simplest function is the most important.  The conversation will be more captivating.  The nerves in your voice will be endearing.  And the excitement you emit will be encouraging.  

July 7 -  Boston, MiniBar, 51 Huntington Ave, 5-6 PM

July 28 - NYC, Cheek'd Meetup at Ninth Ward, 180 Second Ave. between 11th and 12th St. Come and enjoy 2 for 1 drinks at Cheekd.com's first happy hour! RSVP at info@cheekd.com.

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What is Free Flirt Advice?
Remember in college, your professors had office hours? There was an open door policy and you could stop by with any questions you had. Well, the eFlirt expert is bringing you office hours for singles! While it's a throw back to your college days, this is not-your-typical syllabus. Every Wednesday, singles of any age can come in for ten minutes of complimentary "extra help" in the flirting department. Topics may include: your online dating profile, first dates, how to write a great email to your match, sex health, texting, etc.

Flickr / Tom Loth

You’re not telling them who you are.  To some extent, that means that your virtual wall is still up.  You’re not trusting them with this information which can send the message that you’re not trustworthy. You don’t want to start your online (and potentially offline) relationship that way, right?

If it’s mystery you’re going for, it’s better to put the intrigue into your profile than your first message.  Your profile is what everyone gets to see – your message is something that should be specific to the match and make them feel connected to you.  Signing your name at the end of the email furthers the connection you’re trying to build.

And remember, you’re not telling them your last name.  Just your first.  You’re making the screen name and avatar a reality – an integral part of transitioning online dating into an offline experience.

Drunken Shenanigans

Why Not?!  Wasted and ridiculous will never be your best look. 
What You’re Saying. You’re a huge partier.

The Infamous Mirror Shot

Why Not?!  Whether your shirt is on or off, taking a self-portrait in the mirror is like the poor man’s photographer.
What You’re Saying. You don’t have friends who will take your picture.

The Undercover Look

Why Not?!  When you’re dressed up like a Private I - wearing a hat or sunglasses - your match still doesn’t know what you look like.
What You’re Saying.  You think you’re cuter with accessories and are covering up your true self.

Bros and Hoes

Why Not?!  When friends are in photos, the focus is shifted away from you.
What You’re Saying: I’m popular, I’m cool … and I challenge you to pick me out of this crowd. So there!

Far, Far Away

Why Not?!  If you are 100 miles away in the photo, your match can’t see you clearly.  They likely won’t stick around your profile too long.
What You’re Saying. You have something to hide that would be noticed in a close up.

The Opposite Sex

Why Not?!  Even if it’s your sister, your matches don’t know that.  And they likely won’t read that note you wrote under the photo either.
What You’re Saying.  I might be a player, but you’ll never really know.

Shotty Chop Job

Why Not?!  Cropping is good, but the trick is to do it in a way that looks like the photo wasn’t altered.
What You’re Saying. This photo of me looking deliriously happy was taken with an ex.

Kiddies

Why Not?!  If you have kids, list them in the stats section of your profile but keep the focus on YOU.  If the little one is not yours, they will assume he/she is anyway.
What You’re Saying. The privacy of my family’s life isn’t important to me.

Artsy Angles

Why Not?!   Deception is bad.  When you post a photo of you that is an odd angle and doesn’t look like you, your perfect match won’t come knocking because he/she won’t be able to recognize you!
What You’re Saying.  I’m not comfortable with the way I look straight to camera.

The Scenic Route

Why Not?!  Photos without you in them – sunsets, cars, travel spots – are not relevant to your dating life. 
What You’re Saying.  I think you should care about these things because I do.

So, what should you put in your profile?  At least one head and shoulders shot, one full-length picture and lots of smiles.  If you need some new photos after reading, there’s a blog for that, too.

 Keeping a virtual tally will only result in discouragement and frustration. How many times have you thought:

 “If I have to go on one more date, I swear…”    OR

“How is it possible that no one has responded to my emails?”

With frustration mounting, inevitably caught up in the numbers, you may have missed out on an experience right in front of you.  Maybe you got so frustrated with the lack of responses to emails you’ve been sending, that you started writing lackluster notes to matches who would have otherwise replied.  Or perhaps the guy who has been flirting with you all night long inadvertently got your cold shoulder because you can’t shake your disappointment with the opposite sex lately.

To stay positive and keep online dating fun, ignore the numbers.  Don’t count on your fingers. Avoid eye contact with that little number next to your inbox and sent mail.  Make sure that you go into each experience with a renewed cyber perspective.  When you feel like the numbers are catching up with you, mix up your virtual life.  Try a new dating site, add a new photo and change how you’re filtering your matches.  You’ll see fresh faces and get recognized by a different crowd.

The number of matches, dates and emails doesn’t matter.  You can go out with 5 people, 50 people or 500 ... but at the end of the day, it only takes ONE.

June 2 -  NYC, Butterfield 8, 5 E 38th St, 5-7PM

June 11 -  Boston, Starbucks, 755 Boylston St, 3:30-5:30PM

Wed 16 -  DC, Front Page Restaurant, 133 New Hampshire Ave NW, 6-8PM - Washington Post Editor's Pick!

June 23 - NYC, Butterfield 8, 5 E 38th St, 5-7PM

June 30 - NYC, TBA

_____________________________________________

What is Free Flirt Advice?
Remember in college, your professors had office hours? There was an open door policy and you could stop by with any questions you had. Well, the eFlirt expert is bringing you office hours for singles! While it's a throw back to your college days, this is not-your-typical syllabus. Every Wednesday, singles of any age can come in for ten minutes of complimentary "extra help" in the flirting department. Topics may include: your online dating profile, first dates, how to write a great email to your match, sex health, texting, etc.

What is an eMakeover?  It's a complete overhaul of your online dating profile including photo advice, copy editing and re-writing, line by line analysis, suggestions for other dating sites and first date advice for three weeks.

If you want us on your side to digitally woo your perfect match, email Jess@eFlirtExpert.com by midnight, Friday May 14th.

Happy eFlirting!

Are you more interesting ... or interested?  Take a peek and decide.   If you're curious about the male perspective on the topic, visit LoveNation.

You date.  You realize he’s not The One, or he drops off the face of the Earth, or you start seeing someone else.  You stop seeing each other.  You move on and date around … but then you get lonely.  Immediately your brain switches into recycle mode.  “Who have I dated that could have been awesome, but wasn’t?”  And you call him. 

Before you recycle dial, ask yourself a few questions to see if he’s worthy of recycling or if he should stay in the junk yard. 

What was your status?  If you were in a committed relationship, stop immediately.  You likely ended things for a reason and gave it serious thought.  If you were just casually dating though, the line is gray and you should ask yourself:

How did it end?  If things fizzled on his end, there is probably a reason for it.  If you weren’t feeling it and decided not to follow up, trust your instincts.  If it was mutual though, there may have simply been miscommunication.   Did you have a blast together but got busy towards then end and making plans was too much of a challenge?  Then you can dial, but use caution.

What do you want?  Make sure that you know your motives before you dial … and be realistic.  If you were friends with benefits in a past life, it’s unlikely he’ll turn into a serious relationship this time around.  Remember, you’re reaching out to him, which means that you are setting the tone for what’s to come next.

This Earth Day, reduce but don’t reuse in your dating life.

If you’re dating someone who has kids, you’ve probably thought a time or two about when and if you’ll meet them. When that day comes, it can seem more daunting than meeting the parents. What if they don’t like you? Will the person you’re dating still like you if they don’t?

First of all, if you’re facing this meeting, it’s a good thing! This big step means that your partner is completely committed to you and trusts in your relationship. Congrats! But yes, I know, it’s still totally terrifying.

I met my boyfriend’s kids about three months into our relationship. I had never dated anyone with kids before and don’t have any of my own, so I was more than a little nervous. Luckily, his kids were old enough to understand what was going on in our relationship and knew who I was. His 12-year-old daughter was even TALLER than me (yes, I’m short), which was a little awkward but made for fun conversation. It’s more than a year later and we all get along great. So the moral of the story is – don’t worry so much! Here are some tips to get you through it:

1. Do something fun for the first meeting. Go to a baseball game, play Frisbee at the park or head to the beach. The worst thing you could do is meet at home or go to an awkward dinner where conversation is bound to be forced. When I met the kids, no one noticed lulls in the conversation because we were doing an activity.

2. Your partner should talk to both parties involved first. The kids already knew who I was before we met, which made for a seamless transition. I can’t imagine the awkwardness of walking into confused stares of kids who had no idea who I was or what I was doing with their dad. Likewise, you should know all about them too. The more you know about their hobbies/school/sports, the more you have to talk about and relate to.

3. Know if they’ve ever met anyone else. It’s important to know if the kids have ever met any significant others before you and what their relationship was like. If you’re the first, some growing pains are bound to happen and you’ll likely need to take it slow. However, if you’re the second person, like I was, they’re probably more comfortable with the idea that their dad is with someone else besides their mom (or vice versa).  If they meet someone new every few months, your approach will have to be different and more casual. An honest conversation is needed between you and your partner.

4. Discuss what your role will be. It was important for me to know that I wouldn’t need to be a second mom to my boyfriend’s kids. This took a lot of pressure off my shoulders. However, if your partner does think that his or her kids will be looking for a mother or father figure in the future, this should be discussed too.

5. Always be calm and understanding. Your partner’s kids are probably just as nervous about meeting you as you are about meeting them. It’s very common for kids coming from divorced parents to not be as welcoming as you might hope. Don’t fret! This is perfectly normal, and as time goes on and they see you more often, they’ll warm up. 

Dating someone with kids definitely adds another dimension to the relationship, but it can (and should) be fun! I know it’s a big jump, but trust me, it’s worth the plunge.