How to Get Back In the Game

Credit: FlavioSarescia (Flickr)

Credit: FlavioSarescia (Flickr)

By Paola Hernandez, Copy Cutie

When you’re out of the dating loop for so long, getting back into it isn’t as simple as it seems.  The feeling is very similar to starting at a brand new school, mid-year. You know what’s going on, but it can be a little overwhelming. Whether you’ve been in a relationship for six months or six years, you can make that work for your advantage. Summer is the perfect time of year to bounce back into the game. A little hesitant on how to go about this? Here are a few tips on reintroducing yourself to the romantic wilderness:

Exploration is Key
It’s hard to find your next big fling unless you see who’s out there. New to online dating? There are so many sites and apps that can cater to what you’re looking for. If kicking it old school is more your thing, put yourself out there. Visit a new bar or check out a new restaurant because breaking out of your comfort zone can be key. Whether you’re looking on- or offline, making yourself available is what’s going to make you successful.

Save the Drama for Your Mama
Whoever decided that the relationship has reached its end is irrelevant because you need to keep on moving. Nothing makes a person less attractive than hearing them bring up their previous relationship when you’re on a brand new date. Enjoy the new memories you’re creating, and don’t dwell on the “what-would’ve-been”s. Enjoy the new experiences and always keep in mind the wise words of Ferris Bueller: “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

Suit Up!
Barney Stinson has the right idea when it comes to suiting up for the occasion. The right wardrobe can put some spring into your step, especially when going on that first date with your new match. With first impressions meaning everything, you need to bring in you’re a Game.  Buy that new jacket or splurge on those shoes you’ve had your eyes on for weeks. Bringing sexy back will bring that sexy person coming back for more.

Don’t Stop Believin’
You need to go into each date with an open mind and open heart. Yes, you secretly hope that the each one will be your last first date, but keeping strict expectations can seriously restrict your fun! There’s always a possibility that the person you’ve swiped right to could be your next relationship, but don’t build up that mindset. Have fun and when you least anticipate it, you could fall in love.

Getting back into the dating scene isn’t easy and can be scary. Walking into it with confidence will be your wheelhouse.  Enjoy the new people you meet, and it will be an amazing summer. Always remember that you’ve been single before, and it’s like riding a bike. You never forget how to ride -- you just need to get back on.

Do you have any pearls of wisdom on getting back into dating? Share with us below!

Confirming That Your Date isN'T Crazy!

Craziness and love are much like oil and water -- they simply don’t mix well. Some crazies just aren’t capable of love, but nothing stops them from tricking you into believing they’re the real deal, and the sad thing is most of these relationships have tragic endings.

If you want to be on top of your game, you need to be able to identify the red flags as soon as they show up. Often, these pseudo-psychos can have great social skills, be charming and funny, and offer a new level of excitement to your life. Their greatest weapon is the ability to seduce your mind, making it easy for them to get exactly what they want from you. Thankfully, we’ve got a list of signs for you to look out for!

Too serious, too soon. Not just applicable to psychopaths, but anyone who wants way too serious too soon, and then gets genuinely upset by your boundaries, should be setting off alarm bells all around.

They have THE most AMAZING stories. Do their stories tend to be just a little too good to be true? They most probably are! The sad truth is almost always that once you start investigating the grandiose stories, things simply don’t line up!

They’re God’s gift to mankind. This makes them a little stingy, unthoughtful about their own footprint, and they tend to be rude to others, just because the world “owes them something.” Crazy people are incapable of feeling compassion or guilt.

A real jerk to people they don’t know. There’s an old saying that says if you want to get to know a person on a deeper level, you should observe the way they treat nature, the poor and the old. It’s all about observing how they treat others.

Charm has become an art form. So he’s a suave, smooth talker or she’s the girl of your dreams? Sound the alarm! These people will use their charm to manipulate you and control the scenario to their advantage, which compensates for an inability to feel genuine warmth. 

Mr. or Ms. ALWAYS Right. Crazies have been known to go into full-blown fits at a mere suggestion that they could be the party that was wrong from the start. They will always insist that they ARE right and that nobody can beat them.

The term “crazy in love” wasn’t just something that popped up out of the blue. Sure, we all need love and to be loved in return, but we also deserve someone sane and in the game of life for the purpose of enjoying the journey – not just someone who wants to use and manipulate you.

These signs obviously don’t stand for much when they are observed on their own, but if you spot more and more of them, take a second to make sure you’re out of crazy territory!

About The Author: Sally writes for BackgroundHawk.com. She covers a range of topics from dating tips to security, and is a big fan of performing background checks in the online dating world.

Why You Should Say Yes to Maybe When Online Dating

By Laurie Davis, Founder

When online dating, your love life is defined by who is in your inbox. When I first started eFlirt, I was surprised to find that most of our clients fall in love with those who they categorize as "maybes" -- matches they may have otherwise passed over based on their profile online. 

In my TEDx talk, I explain why this happens -- and how you can search differently and find your maybes when digitally dating. 

Your New Date-Night Dress Code

By Laurie Davis, Founder & CEO

All the details for date night are set … except your outfit. You phone, er, text in the help of some girlfriends (or if you’re a client of mine – your dating coach!) but still might not feel completely amazing.  And let’s face it, confidence is the most important thing to wear when walking into a date.

Lucky for you, the Google fashion trends report is helping crack the “what to wear” code with the data of what people search and click. Not all of these trends are date-worthy (I’m looking at you, emoji shirt) or guy-friendly (I can’t imagine many men finding tulle skirts sexy), but here are the four that can actually help next time you’re dressing for a date, including my advice on how to wear it best with your coffee- or cocktail-date cutie in mind.  

credit: Allure

credit: Allure

The Shift Dress: Consider a fabulous shift dress a versatile canvas in your closet. One great shift can power a few weeks of dates, especially if it’s a neutral color like white. (Side note: white dresses are also on trend for this season, up 36% over last year’s searches.) It’s easy to “shift” in one of these dresses and make it feel like a new outfit simply by changing your accessories. Pair it with a statement necklace and bold-colored heels for a Saturday night dinner date, or keep it casual with nude flats and a bun for Sunday brunch. You can even take it directly from the office to a Happy Hour date by sliding off your blazer come 5 o’clock.

 

credit: Women Daily

credit: Women Daily

The Midi Skirt: Covering up may be contrary to your usual instinct but midi skirts, which hit mid-calf, give you the perfect opportunity to play with proportions in a way that flatters your shape most for date night. For example, if you’re not as confident in your bottom half, a structured, voluminous skirt can cleverly cover – just pair it with a tighter top, which will bring the eye upwards. Or if you’ve been working on your squats and want to flaunt your booty, choose a more fitted variety like a pencil midi, and choose a top that’s a bit blousy. Either way, a heel, wedge or platform is a must to pull off this look without looking stumpy. Don’t be afraid to get a midi skirt hemmed – having it fall at that perfect spot just below the knee will keep him wanting more (leg, that is!). This trend is up 131% from last year due to its growth in the U.K.

credit: Revolve Clothing

credit: Revolve Clothing

The Silk Blouse: So many first dates happen after hours and a silk blouse is perfect for both power hour at work and happy hour on your date. Consider it a softer, sexier version of a button down. Searches for “silk blouse” is up 143% this year over last, which isn’t surprising since you’ll see it hung in store windows from Banana Republic to Anthropologie. You can go with one in any print or color but my favorite is a clean, white version -- and it seems I’m not alone. Searches for the term “white blouse” is up 58%, a trend on the rise.

 

 

 

credit: Glam Radar

credit: Glam Radar

The Romper: Bye, bye little black dress, hello, romper -- the slightly edgier and trendier version of the classic stand-by! The short shorts of rompers elongate your legs even more so than a dress and are generally much more comfortable. You’ve got to flaunt what you’ve got on date night, and if that’s legs, a romper will keep him drooling. But the fit of a romper is imperative and they’re not for everyone, working best on gals who are “straight” shaped, and a little less curvy.

 

 

 

 

 

Naturally, not every trend is going to suit your style, but having fun with fashion is about experimenting in the dressing room and learning what makes you feel sexy, poised, and confident.

What are you wearing on your next date? Let us know in a comment!

Free Mother's Day Gift for Single Moms

By Laurie Davis, Founder

Me (age 3) and my amazing mom. 

Me (age 3) and my amazing mom. 

One of my most recent clients was a single mom with five children. She was worried that she wouldn’t meet a man who could not only handle that responsibility, but adore all her children, too. Having been raised by a single mom, I understood her fears.

So many of our single mom clients tell me they feel guilty about dating. Their kids are the center of their world, so focusing on themselves for a change feels unfair.

But here’s the thing — love for someone else won’t diminish the love you have for your kids. I bet your kids want you to be happy, though they may not have been as bold as to say, “You better start dating so I can have a brother soon,” like my friend’s daughter told her a few months back.

To give your dating life a jumpstart, we’re giving single moms a free gift for Mother’s Day: advice! I don’t mean an eBook or a guide, but expert advice specifically for your online dating profile. We know one-on-one advice works best, and we want you to take advantage of it. Here’s how it works:

1.     Enter your information below by Sunday, May 10 at midnight.

2.     We’ll view your online dating profile and put together feedback that’s just for you with the top five ways your profile can be improved. It will be friendly and constructive — perhaps a photo you think is your best shot just isn’t in the eyes of a guy! Who knew? Well, after working with hundreds of men, we sure do. ;)

3.     In a few weeks, you’ll receive our advice, completely free of charge. We want you to meet someone meaningful, which, to us, is priceless.

After writing thousands of online dating profiles over the last six years, we have a deep understanding of what works on dating sites and what doesn’t. We want to share the love with you in the hopes that you’ll find someone special, just like so many of our clients including the single mom with five kids. She’s now in a relationship with the very first guy she met on Match. Perhaps like her, you won’t be a single mom for much longer.  

This giveaway has now closed, but we're still happy to help single moms with their profiles! Check out our eMakeover service. Hope you had a wonderful Mother's Day!