Team You vs. Team Ex: Who Gets the Friends?

By Kristin Manganello, Copy Cutie

It’s one of the oldest stories in the book — Boy meets Girl, Boy and Girl fall in love, Boy and Girl fall out of love, Boy and Girl break up.

Sometimes, breakups are as ugly as divorces. Even though there aren’t houses or children to fight over, a war can still erupt. Just like kids whose parents are splitting up, your friends might find themselves caught in the middle of your battle — and it’s not as easy as slipping on a Team Edward or Team Jacob t-shirt.

Breakups cause a variety of conflicting emotions for everyone involved. When caught up in the reaction storm, it’s easy to start seeing your friends as assets. And when you do that, you tend to forget that people aren’t objects that come along with deeds of ownership. Your friends are the ones who must choose how they're going to handle their feelings about your breakup — not you.

It won’t be easy if your friends decide to stay connected with your ex. You may feel betrayed and alienated, wondering how your BFFs still care about someone who hurt you. But while the pain is real and vivid for you, the fact is, your friends won’t have those same, intense feelings. Your ex didn’t hurt them. Keep in mind that being friendly with your ex doesn't mean that your pals care about you less; it just means that they also care about the other person in your breakup equation.

What if most of your current friends are ones you made through your ex during your relationship? Don’t despair. If you care about these people (and vice versa) and everyone makes a concerted effort to be mature during this sensitive time, there’s no reason for you not to remain friends with them. However, don’t assume that their companionship is a given, even if you’ve developed what seems like legitimately strong connections. It can be extremely disappointing to believe that you have a person’s support, only to be left by him or her, too. Whatever the case, accept the situation for what it is and don’t let your pain dictate how you handle it.

You’re probably thinking that it’s easier said than done. And you’re absolutely right: emotions are complicated. No matter how hard you try to apply logic to them, they find ways to entangle you. In the aftermath of a breakup, it feels like the world is ending — but it’s not. You have more friends than enemies, even when it doesn’t seem that way. Remember that whatever pain you feel will eventually dissipate, and that everything will work itself out. Your current friendships will continue to grow or you’ll naturally make new friends. Either way, move forward so you can find another Boy or Girl to complete your happily ever after.

The good, the bad, or the ugly — we love hearing about your experiences, so share them in the comments section below!

Top 5 Things You Shouldn’t Ask On a First Date

By Alyssa Fleischer, Copy Cutie 

You landed yourself a first date, congrats! For some, that’s the biggest hurdle to get over. But don’t forget that getting a date is only half the battle; the night itself is still to come and you don’t want to throw your first in-person meeting away because you didn’t think before you spoke. And while you want to get to know someone by asking questions, make sure you don’t ask the wrong ones. Here are five questions you should avoid. If you ask them, your date might be out the door before the check arrives!

1. So — why are you still single? Asking someone why he or she is still single is like asking what’s wrong with him or her. Plus, it opens up the door for your date to redirect the question back to you, and you probably don’t want to open that can of worms, either. Remember, you’re just single as your date is !

2. How many people have you slept with? Without a doubt, this is a conversation that should take place down the road when two people become a couple — if at all. If the discussion comes up and you two are serious, feel free to share the roster, but asking this question on a first date is a sure way to dampen the evening. First dates are awkward enough; don’t set yourself up for unnecessary failure.

3. My place or yours? This isn’t cute or sexy, and it definitely won’t get your date to come home with you on the first night! It’s awesome if you had a great night and sparks are igniting like crazy. But sometimes, waiting until the passion truly burns is best: knowing that the fire is so out of control that the two of you just act means you wont even need to ask this upfront question; you’ll just know! And if the other person doesn’t feel the same way you do, well, it’ll be a long ride home for you that night — alone. 

4. What do you think our kids would look like? First off, you don’t really know if this person wants kids. And if they do, who’s to say they want them with you? It’s too much too fast and no one should be put in a position to answer it — and definitely not on a first date! Take about 100 steps back and discuss something a bit more relevant to your current situation — like what your second drink order will be.

5. How do you think the date is going? Let’s be serious — if you have to ask, then it’s not going well. Just be confident, get rid of your insecurities and keep the conversation moving. That way you two will be having so much fun you won’t have time to wonder how your date is going!

Has a first date every asked you one of these questions? Share your story in a comment below!

What Should You Look at When Online Dating?

By Paola Hernandez, Copy Cutie

Online dating can be compared to shopping. With thousands of profiles are at your disposal, it’s easy for you to “window shop” while you find your ideal match. As we’ve mentioned before, profiles are the first impression you have of someone. While of course you need to be aware of what your profile says, what about the eStats of the matches you’re looking at? Below are a few things you should note to help you navigate your way through a sea of digital dating information.

Say Cheese! Many might say they don’t pay attention to looks, but let’s be serious — it’s human nature. There should be some physical attraction to your mate — in addition an intellectual bond, of course. Just like when you’re shopping and you see something you want, you immediately have expectations of what the product is. If after ‘purchasing’ the item (i.e. meeting up in person) and it’s not exactly what you expected, disappointment can ensue. As the ‘shopper,’ you want what you have your eyes set on. Check profile photos for graininess or stray date stamps, which are telltale signs that these shots might be old — and that the person on the other side of the screen might not match up.

In Plain Text. One important thing to remember while online dating is to stay within your comfort zone. When reading someone’s profile you should feel comfortable with what’s on the screen. If a user is ballsy enough to say they’re into S&M (and you know it’s not a joke), keep on moving if that freaks you out. Even if lesser sexual undertones or a Bear Grylls-type lifestyle simply makes you feel queasy, click ‘next.’ You want to share this person’s vibe; if you don’t, this isn’t the match for you. At the end of the day, boundaries are something that should never be compromised.

Talk That Talk (But Talk It Well). Online dating profiles should draw you in with the right words and phrases. Just like a sales associate trying to sell you a $100 cashmere sweater, dating profiles are really just another method people are using to “sell” or market themselves to find a good match. It’s one thing to use shorthand when sending out a message, but users who take the time to write an articulate profile show that they’re truly interested in finding someone. And just like when you’re shopping for that $100 cashmere sweater, you’ll gravitate towards well-spoken sales associates who sound like they know what they’re talking about. If you feel like someone rushed through writing his or her profile, this particular user might not be the right match for you.

What do you look for when browsing through dating profiles? Share with us in a comment below!

How to Have a Drunken Hookup

By Kristin Manganello, Copy Cutie

Spring Break is here! Whether you’re partying it up on the sunny beaches of the Caribbean or kicking it back at a local watering hole, you may find your tipsy self talking to an attractive stranger. With the music is cranking from the jukebox and everyone around you having a blast in a glass, you notice that this stranger has the cutest smile you’ve ever seen. In the heat of the moment you really want to kiss this mystery person. But before you lean in, you hesitate. You're a little buzzed after all and you wonder if you’re being reckless.

Anyone who’s seen two minutes of a Jersey Shore episode knows that things can get sloppy when booze is involved, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Think of drunken hookups as the Twitter of dating: they're fun, short-lived, and let you share a little piece of yourself with someone else. Lowering your inhibitions without resembling Snooki isn’t too complicated. Follow these tips, and you’re good to go!

1. Go with the flow. Don't psyche yourself out by thinking, I could never do something like that. That’s fear talking. When you become too wrapped up in anxiety over possibly making a mistake, you miss out on the sheer thrill of living. Be adventurous and let yourself do something out of character for once.

2. Be smart. Try to think about what you want out of your drunken hookup before you’re too hammered to make a logical decision, and make sure the friends you’re with understand it. When in doubt, ask them what they think. Bottom line? You should be having fun. If you’re not, blow that Popsicle stand.

3. Be friendly. It may seem obvious, but sometimes people forget their manners. They figure they’ll never see this person again, so why bother with formalities? While it’s inappropriate to shower your casual cutie with words of love, it’s never OK to be rude. Nobody wants to make out with a jerk! Whatever you do, treat your hookup well. Though this mini-relationship ends once sobriety kicks in, keep it drama-free. Joke with them, flirt with them, and most of all, kiss them!

4. No regrets. You wake up the next day with your head aching and suddenly thoughts of What did I do?! are racing through your mind. Welcome to your emotional hangover. Just like regular hangovers, they fill you with regret, making it all too easy to chastise yourself. Forget about that. Remind yourself of the great time you had the night before. After all, you’ve just mastered the art of the micro-romance! Instead of giving yourself a hard time, you should feel awesome.

Drunken hookups are a no-pressure way to shake you out of your winter blues, so go for it! Let your hair down and let that liquor make your lips a little loose — one night never hurt anyone.

Have a crazy drunken hookup story? We’d love to hear about it in the comments section below!

Fail to Fab: Dateless During March Madness

By: Jess Downey, Copy Cutie

Fail: I make it no secret that I’m not a fan of basketball. Don’t touch the channel when football is on, but if basketball season was cancelled all together I wouldn’t bat an eyelash. Obviously, this whole March Madness thing can cause a bit of a problem for my dating life. I can remember countless times where I’ve sat and waited for a guy who’s watching a game, filling out a bracket, or doing whatever it is that those March Madness fanatics do. I’ve also had guys cancel on me because they need to watch the “big game” — even though every game seems like it’s a big game. It’s exhausting and makes me wonder why I bother dating this time of year. And to be honest, I’ve often considered hiding out until it’s all over.

Fab: If you meet a frenzied fan, there’s no need to avoid him until April (or whenever the season ends). Learning about your partner’s likes is a surefire way to woo them. No one says you have to suddenly obsess over something just because your new guy or gal does, but use his or her fandom as an opportunity to have some fun.

Instead of rolling your eyes while your man cheers on his favorite team, consider it your chance to flirt and score some future dates. Make bets on which team will be leading at the half or win the game. Loser has to pay the bar tab or cook dinner that Friday night. 

You can also offer up a trade. Suggest watching a game if he watches one of your favorite shows or flicks with you. Or agree to watch the game if he lets you pick the place.

Remember: You might not love basketball (or whatever the ‘madness’ is), but it never hurts to open yourself up to experience new and different things.