The Thrill of the Hunt
It’s true — online dating is a totally different experience for women and men. The big difference? Guys have to be the hunters. Now, I’m not saying that this is the way it should be; I wholeheartedly believe that women should be proactive about their dating lives. In the meantime though, it’s important to keep your head on straight so you don’t get too discouraged. So guys, let’s set some expectations:
Your Response Rate Is Going To Be Low. You’re the man. You are expected to frequently comb your matches and email the ladies that spark your interest. Meanwhile, said ladies’ inboxes will be filling up, which means that you’re one of many prospects for them. Instead of looking at this as a disadvantage, see it as a bonus. You are in the driver’s seat and you are essentially choosing who will you date. Sure, you need to do more work than the ladies, but you are interested in every single gal you email. Women get larger quantities of email, but they are interested in few of their matches. When you get a response, it is more likely to turn into a date.
You Need to Date Broadly. To be successful, reach out to A, B and C listers. If a chica is on your A list, she is likely at the top of many other guys lists, too. This might means her inbox is busy and her calendar is full. If she has a lot on her plate, she might not even be responding to new emails at all! Keep a balance of A, B and C list ladies in your sent messages. If you look at a profile and think “maybe,” just say “yes” and write them a message! Remember, an A lister might have hot photos with a stellar profile, but in person could turn out to be lackluster … and a C lister could climb up the ranks once you get to know them.
Don’t Keep Score. Counting how many messages you send that go unanswered will only discourage you. It’s not the quantity of responses you receive that is important — it’s the quality. Also, just because a match viewed you, doesn’t mean you should expect a response. Do you email everyone you view? Viewing your profile doesn’t mean she is interested, it just means she is curious. What you should pay attention to are the ladies that view you who you didn’t email yet. Don’t expect a ton of these, but if you see someone you’re interested in, drop her a line.
There is No Such Thing “Rejection.” You cannot look at an email that goes unanswered as rejection, because you never know what your match’s situation is. Maybe you have a pet and she’s allergic, which automatically disqualifies you, or maybe she’s seeing someone right now but hasn’t taken her profile down yet, or maybe she doesn’t pay for a subscription to the site so she can’t respond. You never know the circumstance, so don’t jump to conclusions.
Consistency is Key. Active profiles get better responses. Log on every day at high traffic times (evenings and weekends). Sometimes ladies will search for matches that are “online now.” Also, set a goal to email 5 matches a day until you have plenty of prospects in your inbox. Focus on emailing matches that have been active within the last 4 days and write each one a unique email based on their profile. Generic messages will not get you noticed!
It’s All About the Follow Up. Once a match responds, follow up is key. Make sure that you reply in a timely manner. There are no games that you should play via email and definitely no three-day rule. In fact, because we’re dealing with digital communications, the sooner you respond the better! You’ll set the tone for quick responses so she’ll be more likely to stay on top of the email string, and you’ll meet and greet sooner.
So don’t get discouraged, get flirting! Turn your frustrated energy into proactive dating.