Singles Speak: On Second Thought, Don't Get Married
By: Samantha Eng, Copy Cutie
When eHarmony founder Dr. Neil Clark Warren wrote Huffington Post article “On Second Thought, Don’t Get Married,” we weren’t the only ones who had to click and give it a full read. After all, eHarmony boasts a whopping average of 542 eHarmony members marrying each day! This statement was bold, to say the least.
With nearly 6,000 shares through Facebook, Twitter and email, we were curious about what singles from all walks of life thought of this proclamation. So without further adeu, eFlirt Expert readers give their reaction to the relevance of marriage in this modern age society.
“I personally agree with the majority of the article and can attest personally to the impact divorce has on children and families. Dr. Warren was spot on with the primary cause of the failure of my marriage — sheer incompatibility disguised by other thoughts, feelings and emotions that eventually came to light after years of things not quite working the way they should. I think many singles under the age of 30 want marriage but they're also rather selfish — I know I was. Entering into a committed relationship like a marriage requires that both parties lose some of that selfishness and learn to communicate, compromise and empathize with their partner.”
— Daniel Brent Ruyter, 30something, Florida
“I think this article has completely valid points. While all the reasoning is accurate, I still don't think marriage is going to become as obsolete as the article implies. I think sadly enough the allure of the wedding has become THE REASON to get married. If weddings were eliminated and a marriage ceremony was only signing a document — most people would not even bother with the paper. Paperwork tends to complicate everything.”
— Sarah Kiernan, 20something, NYC
“Of course the reason for being married is evident and taught, but is seemingly less practical in today's society. Not to say it isn't desired, because there definitely is a universal desire to eventually settle, but the notion is becoming unrealistic, feared, and fantastical in nature. Particularly with generation Y as a generation afraid of committing. From the LGBT perspective, the option of marriage now is thrilling. Although I know that's a long way away before I'm ready to make such a plunge, I do worry about finding the right person … But even if I haven’t found him yet, the fact that I now have an option to get married in New York is exciting to have. I would like to get married someday, but since I'm from Texas, I know that's far from a reality. It’s something we’ve been fighting for a long time, but we still have a long way to go.”
— Trevor Armel, 20something, Houston
“What I found interesting about his argument was the fact that [Dr. Warren] ignored the legal reasons people marry. Romance aside, marriage protects your assets and distributes resources to any progeny born of a marriage.”
— Jackie Summers, 40something, Brooklyn
“I'll be honest, I think the article makes a ton of sense. Marriage serves a different role because society has proven that nobody NEEDS marriage in this day and age. Plenty of people get along fine without it… The one thing I took away from the article was, "When done right, marriage can be the greatest institution on earth." The problem is, nobody is doing it right. You can't go into marriage hoping to change someone, and you can't go into marriage with a selfish attitude … We need to take responsibility for our actions if we want to make marriage work … I agree marriage and relationships are in trouble because our society seems to put less value on the heart of marriage and more value on the commercialization of weddings and engagement rings. Everything seems to be disposable, and everyone is always looking for something better. Sometimes you have something awesome, and you're so busy looking for something better you lose sight of what you have.”
- Ryan Mackman, 30something, Chicago
But what do YOU think?! Is marriage an institution not worth messing with or should we all head Dr. Warren's advice and skip the alter? Fill us in on your thoughts below.