Dawn of the Douchebag: When Being Assertive Goes Wrong

By Kristin Manganello, Copy Cutie

Right now, the dating world is being plagued by a startling epidemic that’s spreading like wildfire. Every year, thousands, if not millions of people are affected by the most crippling virus to ever strike mankind: Douchebag Syndrome.

While little is known about this illness, it’s been confirmed that it can happen to any person at any time. But what’s a douchebag, you ask? It’s a person who’s rude, crude and someone you’re never in the mood to be around. Other names include dbag, douchenozzle, or douchealouche, but they all mean the same thing: douchebag.

Science has yet to fully explain what causes DS or why it spreads, but there are some promising leads. According to some researchers, many daters who become douchebags start off as nice people. Because of the up-and-down nature of courting, their endeavors sometimes produce fruitless results, leaving behind feelings of disillusionment and resentment. As the transformation reaches completion, these lonely and frustrated daters resort to unsavory methods in attempts to get ahead in the dating realm. Though detrimental to one’s romantic health, there’s hope. Here are some tips on how to prevent and treat the dreaded Douchebag Syndrome.

Change Your Perspective. 

The primary symptom of Douchebag Syndrome is the inability to see oneself objectively. For example, douchebags might think they’re playfully negging their dates, but in reality, they’re being obnoxious jerks. If you sense this is happening to you, take a step back and think about how you’re coming across. While being cheeky with your date can be cute, methods like negging are difficult to implement without crossing a line. Avoid using this technique and others like it until you really understand how they work.

Chill Out. 

It’s attractive when a person takes a strong stance on what’s important to him or her, but for the douchebag, this can turn into ugly aggression. This symptom is the trickiest to detect, as it generally only manifests itself during discussions. Should a difference of opinion arise, the douchebag quickly gets heated. They don’t back down from their point and may belittle their date’s opinion. To alleviate this symptom, remember: being open-minded isn’t a sign of weakness and you’ll attract more flies with honey than with vinegar. Don’t resort to insults or loud arguing. If the conversation really flames up, agree to disagree and move on to something else.

Date Honestly. 

Douchebags have trouble being upfront about what they want. Instead of enjoying the process of getting to know someone, they employ questionable tactics like the Three Day Rule. If totally uninterested, douchebags beat around the bush, hoping their dates will take the hint. The cure is simply to not think of your dating life as a game that has to be played to win. Pursue a potential match without the guidance of sketchy dating rules, and gently express yourself if you’re not feeling sparks.

It’s up to all of us to prevent this affliction from destroying romance. But make no mistake — Douchebag Syndrome is highly contagious. If you recognize any of these symptoms developing in you, quickly check yourself, before you wreck yourself.

If you have any information on Douchebag Syndrome or how to cure it, please share with us in a comment below!