Fail to Fab: Getting a Message From Outside Your Search Parameters

By: Jess Downey, Copy Cutie

credit: Victor1558 (Flickr)Fail: A few weeks ago I received a message from someone on a dating site. I had no clue where his stated town is since I’m relatively new to the area, so I asked him where it was in relation to New York City. He said he’s about 45 minutes or so from Manhattan by car, and because I’m a pretty open-minded gal I didn’t want to toss this guy aside just for that reason. But after living in Chicago and dating guys from the ‘burbs I know it can be rather difficult to date someone who lives outside city limits since I don’t have a car. I guess I’m a little leery to deal with that again, which in turn tends to make me launch into a series of unnecessary questions about how a relationship will work when/if I start dating this person. Overthink much? Talk about a total fail. #Seriously.

Fab: It’s pretty easy to see someone outside of your search requirements and automatically hit delete. But it never hurts to give this person a second glance and see what he or she is about. If someone seems interesting, dig a little further and see how your personalities click.

While you’re getting to know your match, act curious while messaging but avoid asking questions like, “Would you move to the city to live with me once we fall madly in love with each other?” Drilling someone you’ve never met will only create crazy expectations … and will likely send him or her running for the hills.

Instead, ask about hobbies and interests, which will reveal what someone’s into. For example, if you find this person wants to be one with nature while you’re all about the concrete jungle, you two probably won’t work out in the long run. But if your match is open to exploring new things it could be smooth sailing.

If interest deepens and there’s a clear connection, there’s no harm in meeting for a drink after work or a Saturday afternoon stroll in the park. Just keep the above in mind. After all, it’s only a first meeting — not a date!

Remember: It’s easy to dismiss someone online via the delete button if he or she isn't exactly what you’re looking for. But if there’s intrigue, there’s no harm in clicking the ‘Reply’ button. The end “return” may just be something awesome!