How To: Handle the Walk of Shame Like a Pro
By: Samantha Eng, Certified eFlirter
The early light of day peaks through the curtains, blinding and confusing. The pillow is a little different, the sheets are unfamiliar, and the person breathing deeply beside you doesn’t belong. No wait — you don’t belong. This isn’t your bed, and the realization of this makes you slump. You spent the night without a change of clothes and are now forced to endure the walk of shame.
But fear not: A few things could differentiate you from the gal or guy stumbling down the block, tattooed with entry stamps and glitter from the night before. Remember, you’re a pro at looking fresh. You’re always glamorous or suave in the wee hours of the morning. Keep these tips in mind the next time you need them:
Collect Your Things … and Yourself.
More than just gathering your clothing and items from the night before, take as much care into putting them back on as you did before heading out your door.
- Tuck in your shirt and make sure your buttons align.
- Shake off the glitter and air out the cologne on your collar.
- Tie your shoes and rub out any scuffs.
- Carry the excess. Ladies, stuff outlandish baubles into your clutch. Guys, remove the jacket if applicable.
Excuse Yourself Before You Remove Yourself.
Remember when your parents asked you one last time if you had to use the bathroom before you got in the car? Visit the loo before your feet hit the pavement. Aside from emptying your bladder, focus on the sink.
- Mute the make-up. Ladies, use soap and water to go au natural. Guys, there must be lipstick on you somewhere … wash that off, too.
- Run your hands through your hair three to four times. Why? The natural oils in your hands will help tame your bedhead.
- Wash your hands and the stamps on your palm, wrist, or wherever they marked you up.
- Let’s face it. You’ve already snooped the medicine cabinet. Justify it with mouthwash and/or toothpaste.
Take a Bow.
It’s safe to say any earlier escape plans failed, so be polite and simply say, “Thank you for a _____ (nice, crazy, interesting, cardiovascular — you choose) time.” Depending on your relationship, a follow up may or may not apply, but that’s an entirely different post.
Right now, it’s time for you to gather every ounce of pride as the day’s spotlight shines on your entry into the world. And with that, take a bow. You enjoyed a night of pleasure, much different than the disgruntled work force pushing past you. And really, you should consider this your stride of pride. Keep your head high!
Got any memorable walk of shames? Share with us here!