Your Dating Past: It’s Only “Baggage” If You Let It Be

By Kevin Murray, Suave Scribe

credit: robef (flickr)What’s the typical outline of a person with emotional baggage?  Someone in their mid 20s to late 30s who’s been hurt badly in a previous relationship and, for whatever reason, can’t let old wounds heal. They might lie to themselves and say they’ve moved on, but in reality they can’t see a future with anyone because they’re so blinded by the past.

Let’s get something straight here though— if you’re 30 years old and don’t come with some ghosts, you’re not dating right. We all go through tough emotional break-ups – that’s life. What you chose to do with your emotions after the fact determines whether you come with clean baggage or dirty baggage. In other words, we can choose to learn from our heartbreaks or we can let them bring us down. The choice is ours.

Yes, it can often seem impossible to forget what you felt after a bad relationship. The thought of caring for someone and opening up again makes you vulnerable to getting hurt. What you need to do is turn that negative into a positive. Use your past as a learning experience and focus on being with someone that makes you happy to start. You don’t want to look back and realize you pushed away a great person because your past got in the way.

Here are five ways to clean up your baggage (and you know you’ve got some):

1. Simplify.  Narrow your past down to bullet points in your mind instead of long essays. Don’t overcomplicate the thoughts of relationships that ended. It’ll just make you go insane!

2. Lean on me.  Tell a friend or family member about anything that’s still weighing you down. They probably have their own lying around, too, and your convo can be a mini venting session for both. Just make sure you have a few drinks while cleaning that baggage – it’ll help get the stains out better.

3. Really move on.  People often bury their emotions and negative memories unknowingly, until they realize they can’t open up to the next person they’re trying to form a relationship with. Don’t just tell yourself you’re moving on from the past – actually do it!

4. Open your heart.  The best way to forget about a failed past relationship is to be in a new one so great it makes you forget everything else before it. The only way you can get to that point is to let someone else in.

5. Think positive.  Positive thoughts yield positive results. Don’t be a downer – all you’ll do is scare off every person that gets close to you. Smile! Be warm and inviting. Don’t show up to dates dragging that negativity behind you.  

If you want the other person’s best, you have to give your best. People can sense when you’re holding back. Don’t let your past relationships prevent you from moving forward!

Have any tricks to remove your baggage? Let us know below!