Dos and Don’ts: When To Be Aggressive

By Ashley Parsons, Associate Editor

credit: Simone Photography (Flickr)Ladies, we’ve all heard it: men love aggressive women. What’s more appealing than a confident, attractive lady who goes after what she wants? Like all behaviors, however, there are appropriate times to be assertive. It’s just a matter of deciding when to work it — and when to wait for it. Here are a few dos and don’ts for when to be ballsy.

If the Clock is Ticking

Your first date is going great — he’s got an awesome sense of humor, drinks were delicious, you feel like you could talk to him all night long … then you remember that your train home is in an hour, or you have to be at work earlier than usual tomorrow. When you only have so much time left, go get your man, girl! Don’t be shy about asking him for a second date, especially when you know he’s worth the risk.

In the Bedroom
We all have to get our groove on every now and then. If you two have already hit it off enough to hit the sheets and if taking control is your thing, go for it. Nowadays, it’s no longer trashy for a woman to be in tune with her sexuality. Besides, men are typically more turned on when their partner is turned on, and nobody knows how to satisfy you better than, well, you. Grab the reins and enjoy the ride!

If You’re Willing to Stay Aggressive
It doesn’t make sense to build a foundation without finishing the house. If you laid the charm on thick in the beginning — frequent texts, telling them what they want to hear, dressing to the nines for your dates — keep up with it. While an even split of the romantic effort is necessary for the relationship to work, you should put in the same amount throughout the relationship as you did in the first couple dates. Eventually, the comfortable phase will set in, but don’t slack off just because you got what you wanted.

If You’re Unsure Whether You’re into Him

While love at first sight isn’t necessarily impossible, it’s extremely improbable. It’ll usually take at least a few dates to figure out how attracted you are to someone, if at all. Don’t bust out the heavy-duty flirt artillery if you’re unsure how into him you are. Not only are mixed messages confusing, they’re unfair and a total lead-on. 

If You’re Drunk
There’s nothing wrong with having a few drinks on a date, especially if the conversation and chemistry are flowing, but a little liquid (over)confidence can cause trouble. Words or actions that are meant to seem strong and sexy may come off pushy, or worse — sleazy. You know you’re not that girl, so to avoid any misconceptions, be a bit more reserved if you’ve had a few martinis.

If He’s Making Moves
While assertive may be attractive, that doesn’t mean all men want their ladies to do the work. Some guys (thankfully) still prefer to be old-fashioned and sweep us off our feet. If you’re out with a guy who is making obvious attempts to reel you in, you don’t always have to match his efforts; it may seem like a challenge to his masculinity. Believe me, I’m all about girl power, but nobody likes a one-upper.

Got any advice on when aggressive works? Let us know in a comment!